AU OneShot - (**)
Sashi - Aki
~ Christmas Gifts ~
The thick snow fell like a rain of cotton balls, layering the hard steel and concrete of the city under a blanket of innocent white. Cars and busses crawled through the icy streets, windshield wipers whirling to clear a path through the driving storm. Windows and metal signposts were frosted by a coating of white, and on some of the storefront panes people had scratched their names, current loves, or a message for other pedestrians. The usual cacophony that accompanied a place as large as West Central had stilled, but the lights of the city were brilliant even against the dampening snow. Aside from the usual lights of businesses and homes, the trees of the city glowed with the festive lights of Christmas, their green, red, blue, and orange sprinkling throughout the streets. Strands of holiday lights burned in apartment windows and here and there an ornamented tree could be glimpsed.
Walking beneath the thick garland that hung from the overarching streetlights, I carefully stepped through the unshoveled drifts that covered the sidewalks. There were no other walkers that I could see through the snowflakes, and for a moment it seemed as if I was the only person in West Central, or at least the only one walking in the snow on Christmas Eve.
I stopped before our apartment building and looked up at the living room window. It was dark, which meant that Aki must have already gone to bed. Well, it was just after eleven o’clock, and I didn’t expect him to wait up for me, not even if it was Christmas.
The lock clicked on the entrance door and I pushed into the warm, dimly lit hallway. The landlord had decorated it for the holidays, with garland and lights strung along the corridor and a wreath on all the main doors. The old lady must have a soft spot for Christmas. Shaking the snow out of my hair and off my shoulders, I began to climb the stairs.
On the fourth floor, I let myself into our apartment and climbed out of my wet garments. A wave of heat hit me as I crossed through the dining room, and I happily enjoyed the sensation of its warmth as it thawed out my cold skin. Dropping my coat on a chair, I stepped out of my boots and pulled off the heavy sweater I wore over a black t-shirt. There were tiny puddles of water on the floor, but I left them and made my way into the living room.
A muted orange-red glow lit the painted walls from the fireplace, the logs snapping and popping from behind the safety of the wire screen. In the corner, a small Christmas tree sat, strung with blue and silver ornaments, the space beneath its branches pathetically bare and empty. Two recliners flanked a square coffee table, the only pieces of furniture in the smallish room. In the chair closest to me was Aki.
His brilliant blue eyes were closed, and I could tell from the slow rise and fall of his chest that he was asleep. The thick, brown locks of his hair had fallen across his face, adding shadow to skin that was much too pale. A blanket covered half of his slim body, leaving only his head and chest exposed to the warm air of the room. In his lap was a thick book, and one hand was still imprisoned under its heavy cover.
I leaned against the room’s wide archway and watched as my partner slept. The last four weeks had been hard on him, and it showed in the deep indigo circles beneath his eyes. We had defeated the Dark Selestarri Warden, Chorianis, but the price had been high, and I was afraid that for my sensitive partner, it was almost too much to bear.
The fiasco had pushed me toward the Dark and forced me to lose an internal struggle that both Aki and I had fought against for over three hundred years. It had also killed Kimi and Reisu, and it was that fact that plagued the Streaked lying before me.
Aki had fallen into an immediate depression at the loss of the girls, and I knew he blamed himself for their deaths. So much so, in fact, that he had completely shut down. He locked himself in his room for most of the day and distanced himself from the world around him. When he did appear, our conversations were brief and formal. Somehow I managed at least once a day to get food down his throat, but he was a mere shell of the Selestarri I had danced with at Saturnalia. The same person I’d exchanged angry words with in the park, the one I had pushed toward the purple-haired girl because I thought it was for the best, and who I had voluntarily given myself to the Dark for in order to protect. The Selestarri that I loved.
Although I was scared and worried for him, a small part of me was always relieved when he returned to his room, because I couldn’t handle the blank hopelessness in his eyes. The absence of life in those sky-blue pools was foreign to me, and I didn’t understand what to do in a situation like this.
In my own way, though, I tried to help him. Christmas was Aki’s favorite human holiday and so in keeping with the spirit I had set up the tree and decorated it. I had also brought home some holiday cookies and asked the neighbor to borrow a few CDs. The TV stations were all airing the seasonal specials and I put them on at night, hoping to draw him out of his room. Everyday I invented some type of Christmas-related outing from ice skating downtown to making a fruitcake run, but when I’d ask him to accompany me, he’d just shake his head and turn his back.
Today I had left him at home and gone out into the storm to shop for his present. I had fought through masses of shoppers at the malls and department stores, taken the subways to a number of shopping districts, and searched through countless racks and displays for the perfect gift. After seven hours, however, I was still empty-handed and the stores were closing. There just hadn’t been a single item that I wanted to give him.
About halfway through the subway ride home, I realized why I hadn’t been able to find anything. What I wanted to give my partner was comfort, happiness, and hope. I wanted to see him smile again and for those blue eyes to shine with life. Not exactly something you could ask the salesgirl to help you find.
In the warmth of the overheated living room, I sighed. Stretching out my hand, I carefully brushed the brown locks from Aki’s face, my fingers running over the smooth skin of his cheeks and forehead. I had missed his usual cheerful personality, and having most of the days by myself, I had quickly become lonely. After all these years of being his partner, I finally understood what it was like to need someone else. I craved the closeness of another living person and began to hate the emptiness of my room at night. When the pain had grown to such a force that I could no longer ignore it, I had thrown myself into helping Aki get over his depression, trying anything that would put me in his presence and stop the ache. Even these small moments, when I could watch him sleep, eased the pain that had lodged in my chest.
Before I could back away he stirred, the book flapping closed as he shifted on the recliner. Sleep tinged eyes opened, closed, and then opened once more as they locked on my face.
“Sorry,” I said hastily, pulling my hand from his face and stepping away.
Aki pushed his hands through his hair before reaching down to place the book on the floor. “You’ve been gone a long time,” he said in his lifeless and flat voice.
I nodded, feeling as though I had let him down by coming home without a gift. “I was doing some shopping, and the trains and stores were packed.”
It was his turn to nod and the brown strands of hair drifted back onto his face. I was tempted to touch them again, but instead I put my hands in my pockets. Silence fell over the room like a thick curtain with only the occasional snap from the fire logs to break the stillness.
“Are you all right?” My partner asked after a long moment. “You seem sad about something.”
I tried to smile, but it was obvious that I was faking and so I let it go and put my eyes on the hardwood floor. “I went to buy your present today, and although I looked through all the malls and stores I realized on the way home that what I wanted to give you couldn’t be purchased. Unfortunately, it’s also something I don’t know if I’m capable of giving to you at all.” I couldn’t look at him and so I concentrated on the dark places where the floor boards met. “I’m sorry that it’s Christmas and I don’t have a gift for you.”
Aki was quiet and when I finally lifted my eyes to the recliner, he was staring at the fire. Feeling him shut down once again, I turned and moved in the direction of my bedroom. I had only taken two steps when the force of Aki’s telekinetics wrapped itself around me.
“What did you want to give me?” His voice was soft and slightly strained.
Immobilized by his magic, I let my body relax and with my back to him I explained about wanting to cheer him up and to see him smile. “I know that it hurts to have lost Reisu and if I could do anything for you, I’d take that pain so you could be free again.”
The cocoon of power shifted, and I let Aki pull me to the recliner. The upholstered arm met the back of my legs just as he released me, and I landed heavily in his lap. His face was turned away from me and although the brown hair obscured most of his features, it couldn’t hide the wetness that slid over his pale cheeks.
For a moment I was frozen, unsure of what to say or do. My heart ached at the sight of his tears and the raw emotion that spread from his slim form. I shifted my weight on the recliner, forcing it into an upright position, and gathered my partner close to my chest.
His fingers immediately gripped my shirt and he sobbed quietly while I rocked him and kissed the top of his head. I wasn’t sure if this was what he needed, but it was what he did for me when the nightmares came and I always felt safe with his arms around me.
When the sobs slowed and his breathing returned to normal, I pulled him away and cradled his face in my hands. His eyes met mine as I gently wiped his tears with my thumbs. I studied the blue pools, amazed at how they turned from the color of the sky to the darkness of midnight and held all the shades between as well. I could easily be lost in those depths, drowning in a sea from which I hoped never to return.
“It’s my fault they died,” Aki’s hallow voice broke my entrancement. “I should have made sure they left the building and checked that they were safe. I knew exactly what level of danger Chorianis represented, and I should have been more careful. Now they’ve paid for my carelessness.”
I shook my head. “Aki, Kimi and Reisu made their own choices that night and they chose to fight. You can’t go on blaming yourself for something you had no control over.”
He didn’t reply and after a moment I dropped my hands. I had wanted to make him feel better and yet somehow I had only made things worse. Sometimes it seemed that when it came to my partner, I couldn’t do anything right.
The chimes on the clock over the fireplace sounded for midnight and I sighed. “Merry Christmas,” I whispered. “I’m sorry that I don’t have a present to give you.”
“No,” Aki said, “don’t apologize. You made me feel better and spent the last four weeks doing everything you could to help me overcome my grief for the girl who came between us. That’s more than anyone should ask of their partner.”
I looked down, embarrassed by his words. It was nothing more than he would have done if our roles were reversed. “It’s late,” I mumbled, “and we should probably get some sleep.”
I moved to slide off the chair, scared by the path this conversation had taken, but Aki’s arms encircled my waist and held me tight. “I’m sorry, Sashi, for hurting you. I should have told you everything from the start and never forced you to make a decision that was mine alone to make. You suffered because of me and I would understand if you wanted me to stay away from you.”
A sudden, painful ache seized my chest as he spoke, followed by a rush of emotions. I had buried the pain I felt under weeks of striving to help Aki and its sudden reappearance made my throat close up and my eyes burn. I had figured out that I was in love with Aki, had probably been for a long time, but I also knew that I couldn’t give him the love he deserved. I had convinced myself that the war that I had fought against the darkness inside of me was winning and that I didn’t want Aki to get hurt when I lost the fight. When his feelings for Reisu came to light, it was easy for me to push him in her direction and then to quietly crush my own emotions.
The last four weeks, however, had given me more than enough time to think about my feelings. I realized that everything I had said and done to put space between us was because I was scared. The intensity of my love for him was overwhelming and so I did the only thing I could, I removed myself from the situation. Three times he had asked me if I wanted him to choose me over her, but afraid of my own emotions, I refused.
Now Reisu was gone, and even though I understood my fears, it was too much to hope that Aki would set himself up for rejection again.
I slid my hands down to pull Aki’s arms from around my waist, but he squeezed me tighter and buried his head in my shoulder.
“Come back to my bed,” Aki said quietly, and my heart froze.
“Aki—I—“ How could I tell him that it wasn’t going to be enough for me to simply have his arms around me while we slept? In the past, it had always been he who suffered through the periods of loneliness, and I knew what to do to help him. But it was a new sensation for me, this longing for another, and I didn’t know how to explain it to him.
It was his turn to gently touch my face and I shivered at the warmth of his skin. The ache of loneliness in my chest surged and I closed my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t see how much I needed him.
“It seems like everything between us has been difficult,” my partner said as his hands slid into my hair. “I want one night where we can just let go and love each other. Even if the morning brings a return of those complications and consequences, I just want one night with you.” I looked down at him as his blue eyes found my black and he held my gaze. “Please, Sashi?” It was almost a whisper.
Any words of refusal that I might have uttered died in my throat as he looked at me and I slowly nodded. Our faces were close and I pressed my lips against his, relishing the small shudder that shot through his slender body. The delicious heat of his mouth crashed into me, sending an electrical spark down my nerves and straight to my groin. I parted my lips, an invitation that I hoped he would accept, and was rewarded with the touch of his tongue as it slid over mine. Returning the favor, I thrust into his mouth, concerned at first that I had been too rough, but a small noise that was half sigh and half moan reassured me, and I explored the hot cavern greedily. Aki began to writhe as I worked my tongue over his, alternately sucking and stoking the hot wetness. His hands moved from my hair to the muscles of my stomach, sliding along the skin and sending another torrent of electricity coursing over my body.
Freeing myself from his mouth, I moved to the softness of his throat, reminding myself to treat him gently as my teeth grazed the skin. Mirroring the movement of his own hands, I reached under his t-shirt to stoke the velvety muscles. Aki moaned loudly, his blue eyes tightly closed and teeth biting into his lower lip. Intent on increasing his pleasure, I licked at his ear before nipping at the delicate flesh and pinching his nipples between my fingers. Aki moaned again.
Breaking away from him slightly, I pulled the thin green t-shirt over his head and pushed him back, forcing the chair to recline. Finding his mouth once more, I adjusted my legs so that I straddled his slim hips. I could feel the hardness of his erection under the fabric of his loose pants and as my weight settled I teasingly rubbed my own hardening length against his, smiling at the shuddering gasps the simple action produced.
Enjoying the dominance that Aki was giving me over his body, I left his mouth and licked his left nipple, causing him to squirm. My tongue made slow circles over the hardened nub before sucking at it, drawing a groan from the Selestarri below me. Aki’s hands were crawling up my chest, and without leaving his, I firmly pulled them from under my shirt and held them over his head, clasping both wrists in one hand.
“Sashi…” Aki groaned between panting breaths, and I smiled against the muscles of his chest.
Still pinning his hands, I licked my way down his body, stopping to nip at the flesh of his tight stomach before reaching the top of his pants. My free hand slid down to grasp the bulge between his legs, gently squeezing as Aki made a mewling noise in the back of his throat. I couldn’t resist glancing up at him, and the lust glazing the blue oceans of his eyes made my own erection pulse with need.
I released my hold on his wrists and pulled off the loose, fleece pants. Aki tugged at my shirt and I slid the material over my head, happy to expose my burning skin to the slightly colder air of the living room. Moments later my pants and boxers also hit the floor and I stood before my partner, cloaked in nothing but the shadows of the flickering firelight.
“Sashi, you’re beautiful,” Aki whispered, and I looked away, slightly embarrassed by the compliment. He reached out to touch my hip as his eyes moved over my body. “Will you bring out your wings?”
I reached for the necessary magic and sighed as the long, feathered appendages unfurled and stretched. Pushed by the throbbing of my groin, I slipped off Aki’s blue boxers and paused to take in the perfection of the body beneath me. His skin was smooth and unblemished except for the small scar on his shoulder from his battle with Ikkairius. The muscles of his chest and stomach were tight and well defined under the silky skin and his legs were strong but slim. Nestled at the apex of his thighs, his hard length rose to greet me and I finally gave into the lust that had been trying to overtake my brain.
Pushing Aki’s legs over the sides of the recliner, I settled my own weight just below his, careful not to tip the chair. My right hand encircled his erection and began to slide up and down the hard shaft, drawing low moans from the brown-haired Selestarri. My free hand cupped his scrotum and rolled him gently, causing Aki’s hips to buck in response. He jerked and the heated flesh of our cocks rubbed together. A groan escaped through my gritted teeth and I closed my eyes at the sheer intensity of the fire that surged over my body.
I wanted desperately to make Aki come, to release the need I knew I had created in him and so I sped up my ministrations. He thrust forward and rose to meet my strokes, a look of pure ecstasy painted over his features. His hands clutched the arms of the chair, knuckles white against the deep red fabric. After a few moments of steady stroking, I felt him begin to swell, and I knew he was close.
Then, just as he was about to slip over the edge, he stopped and placed his hands over mine. Driven entirely by lust, I tried to remove his hands so I could continue, but I felt the stiff confinement of telekinetic power and I looked up at him.
Skin flushed and breath coming in small pants, Aki’s eyes met mine. “Please…Sashi, I want…” his raspy, desire-coated voice trailed off and I stared at him blankly, not quite comprehending. I was going to give him the release his body was asking for, why had he stopped me?
“I want you to…to…fuck me.”
I stared at him as the words sunk in. “Are you sure?” I asked. “It can hurt.”
The telekinetics dropped and Aki’s hands found my throbbing length, his touch sending a shiver up my spine and a moan from between my lips. “I want to make you happy,” he whispered.
I looked into those blue eyes, torn between wanting to explain that giving him pleasure made me happy enough and wanting to take him up on his offer. In the end lust, and the feeling of his hands on my erection, won out and I gently pulled him to his feet.
Standing before the fireplace, our mouths locked once again and I sighed as Aki ran his fingers over my dark wings. He bit playfully at my bottom lip and I roughly squeezed the firm muscles of his ass. My body quivered with the anticipation of feeling myself surrounded by his warm flesh and I gently pushed him to his knees on the thick throw rug.
Light flashed and Aki’s own silver-feathered wings stretched toward the ceiling. He moved onto his back, the wings to either side and looked up at me. There was a small tinge of fear and nervousness in his eyes as I knelt at his side and kissed him. My hands slid down his body, stopping to gently pinch his nipples before wrapping around his hard shaft once more. Aki moaned into my mouth and I spent a few minutes rekindling his desire. As he lost himself in the rhythm of my hand and tongue, I carefully pressed the index finger of my free hand to the opening of his most private of places. He jumped, half in surprise and half with the awakening of nerve endings he’d never been aware of before. I circled the outside of the tiny opening, loosening the muscle and sending Aki into a series of panting groans. When it seemed as though he was ready, I broke our kiss and brought my hand to my mouth. Slipping my index finger between my lips, I coated it with saliva as Aki watched.
“Ready?” I whispered, gently pressing against his opening with my slick finger.
He nodded and I leaned down to kiss him as my hand continued to slowly work over his length. As he arched his hips I slipped my finger in, smiling a little at his quick intake of breath. I slowly worked it in and out, bending the joints a bit so I could loosen the constricting muscle. Aki wiggled beneath me and made a small noise of disappointment when, after a few minutes, I withdrew my hand entirely.
I smiled down at him as I went to wet my middle finger, and to my surprise he grabbed my hand and took both my fingers into his mouth. He sucked hard, sliding the digits between his lips as I watched, fixated. Aki scraped his teeth over the knuckles before releasing my fingers, an evil smile gracing his features.
Kissing him hungrily, I pushed at his tongue with the same speed that my index finger moved in and out of him. After a moment I added the second finger and he grunted in pain.
“Are you all right?” I asked as he broke our kiss and pressed his face into my neck. I slowly moved my fingers, reaching for the little bump of his prostate. When I hit it, he almost screamed in shock and pleasure and he bit my shoulder, drawing a small amount of blood. Ignoring the pain of the wound, I sped up the pace of my fingers, thrusting in and out of him in short, rapid movements. The brown-haired Selestarri muttered incomprehensible words against the skin of my throat as my hands drove him closer to orgasm. My own body began to beg for release and after a few minutes I pulled my hands away and moved between his legs. Spit and pre-cum quickly covered the length of my erection and I pressed it against Aki’s tight opening.
Aki smiled up at me and as I placed my hands on either side of him, he turned his head to kiss my wrist. I leaned in to kiss him as my hips pushed forward, trying to distract him from the pain that I knew was coming. He winced and whimpered as I entered him, and I had to physically stop myself from forcing my way into the tight heat of his body. I busied myself with watching his face, trying to make this as easy as possible. After a moment he relaxed and adjusted to my size and I moved the rest of the way in. I shifted my weight to wipe the tears from his eyes before pulling out and then sliding back in. Wet heat encased my groin and I shook with the need for release. I nudged Aki’s prostate again and he gasped with pleasure. With his body ready to accept me, I set a slow pace, my own moans filling the living room as my orgasm built in intensity.
I reached down and wrapped my fist around Aki’s erection, feeling him shiver at the double stimulation. Moving my hips faster, I slammed against my partner, lost in a storm of pleasure and lust. The entire world shrank to the sweaty slide of our flesh and the heat of his body as it gripped mine. Aki was mewling below me, his moans coming in quick gasps. His hands grasped my shoulders, pulling occasionally at the sensitive base of my wings or the long gray feathers, sending waves of pain-laced electricity throughout my body. Hot breath washed over my ear as I kissed his neck and my hand flew over the length of his shaft. His erection swelled and I hit his prostate one last time before sticky, white fluid warmed my hand and dripped onto his stomach.
Aki’s muscles contracted and I found myself pushed over the edge. Black spots appeared in my vision and I moaned loudly. My orgasm released a flood of hot liquid, spattering over the insides of the Selestarri beneath me and running down the pale skin of his thighs as I pulled out.
Exhausted, I collapsed on top of my partner, sighing as he ran his hands through my sweaty hair. As our breathing slowed, I listened to the beat of Aki’s heart, momentarily drifting off to the decreasing rhythm. He shifted and I looked up into his deep blue eyes, the emotion that raced through my mind clogging my throat as I tried to tell him fifteen things at once.
Aki smiled before sliding out from underneath me. He scooped up the green t-shirt he’d worn earlier and for a moment I feared he’d simply disappear into his room and close me out again. Instead, he used the shirt to clean himself off and then knelt at my side. His soft lips gently kissed my neck, shoulder and chest as he wiped the sticky fluid from my hand and between my legs. He tossed the shirt on the carpet and with a wave of his hand, the fire extinguished itself. Taking my hands in his, he pulled me to my feet and began to walk toward his room.
I allowed him to pull me along, but my initial worries must have showed in my eyes because Aki said, “When I asked you to come back to my bed, I meant it. I’ve missed you, Sashi.”
His words sent a warm shock through my body and I nodded. He smiled and I noticed for the first time how bright his eyes seemed. Aki pulled me into the messy room and as we settled down on the mattress, he carefully arranged my wings before pressing his body against my back. He pulled the heavy blankets over us and I cuddled close to him, both for the warmth and for the feel of his body.
A day of wandering all over the city and a night spent with my partner had taken its toll on me and I immediately felt the fog of sleep cloud my mind. Luxuriating in the knowledge that Aki and I had at last expressed the emotions we’d kept hidden for so many years made me sigh with happiness. Aki kissed the base of my neck and squeezed me gently. Just before I fell into the darkness of sleep his whispered words reached my ears.
“Merry Christmas, Sashi.”
End: Christmas Gifts
Bounce 2004
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