Easter Stupidity [Stoer walks up to the Fox, lugging a heavy suitcase-like box that he sets down in front of her.  Sitting on the ground, he unsnaps the clasps and opens the top.  Inside is a record player.] Stoer: So, we recently taught Kribensis about Easter.  Thought you might enjoy our little lesson, but in order to truly appreciate it, we need to be sure you’re familiar with this Easter song.  Once you get to the organ part between the verses, you can stop listening, and trust me, you’ll want to.  Oh, and you’ll need QuickTime to listen properly. [The orange-haired twin flips the on switch and sets the needle on the record.] http://www.ilovewavs.com/Holidays/Easter/PCotton.wav Stoer: [removes the needle and closes the record player.  From his backpack, he pulls out a laptop and opens it.]  Sorry about that, but check out this stupidity…   Ikkairius: So that’s the basic premise of Easter; a man that is supposedly the Son of God is resurrected after being crucified by the Romans. Kribensis: [waves his hand dismissively] Yeah, great, but where do the candy, baby animals, and painted eggs fit in? Ikkairius: Ah, that would be paganism and strangely, Jakob Grimm, but those are long stories, and given your attention span, I feel it would be a waste of breath. Lochs: Just understand that on Easter you get a basket full of candy and have an Easter egg hunt while bunnies, lambs and chicks frolic in the fields. Kribensis: [cocks his head to the side] So you’re going to give me a wicker basket full of sugar and hard-boiled eggs? Stoer: [shakes his head] No, of course not!  That’s the Easter Bunny! Lochs: The Easter Bunny, with the help of his woodland friends, dyes eggs and then goes from house to house, filling the baskets.  Sometimes he’ll leave toys if you’ve been especially good. Stoer: [licks his lips and waggles his eyebrows at Lochs] I’ve been good this year. Lochs: [grins] Yes, you have.  Maybe the Easter Bunny will be extra good to you on Sunday. Stoer: I’m not sure how he could top last year. Kribensis: [puzzled] What did you get? Stoer: [rakes his eyes over his twin hungrily] Lots of German sausage. Ikkairius: [sighs] That’s enough. Kribensis: Why does this holiday sound suspiciously like Christmas but without the old, fat man? Lochs: No, it really is different.  We’ll have to show you, I guess. Kribensis:  Is this going to be like the time you explained about the Tooth Fairy and that poor girl died? Stoer:  No, but that was fun!  She was such a good screamer, really powerful lungs… Lochs: [laughs and turns to his brother] We’ll have to sing the song. Kribensis: Song? Lochs: [shrugs] It’s some old song from a movie made a wicked long time ago, like the seventies. Ikkairius: [sighs again and shakes his head] Stoer: Give us five minutes and then we’ll sing the song and you’ll see what we mean.  [Takes Lochs by the hand and pulls him from the room] [Five minutes later.] [Stoer and Lochs return, towing an irritated Aki and Sashi in their wake.  Aki is dressed like a fuzzy baby chick and Sashi is a lamb.] Kribensis: You two are cute. Aki: [Gives him a disgusted look.] Sashi: Fuck you. Lochs: Are you ready? Ikkairius: Does it matter? Stoer:  All we need is the Easter Bunny. [Sticks his head into the hallway.] Hey, get in here! The Rabbit: I am not doing this! Stoer: You owe us!  Now get in here! The Rabbit: You guilt-tripped me!  Get someone else to do it! Stoer: There is no one else, and besides you ARE a rabbit!  Come on, we all agreed that Kribensis needs to learn different customs so he can understand the modern world. The Rabbit: Fine, fine.  Start the damn song. [Lochs starts the record player and after the intro, the twins, Aki, and Sashi begin to sing.] Boys:  [singing] Here comes Peter Cottontail.  Hoppin' down the bunny trail.  Hippity hoppity, Easter's on its way!  [The Rabbit hops into the room, wearing a coat emblazoned with pastel eggs and a huge pink bow on her head.  She’s carrying four overflowing Easter baskets and begins to half-heartedly prance around.] Boys: [singing] Bringin' ev'ry naughty boy, a basketful of Easter joy.  Toys to make your Easter hella sex-ay.  [The Rabbit showers Kribensis and Ikkairius with brightly wrapped condoms.] Boys: [singing] He's got absinthe for Ikky, colored Peeps for Kribensis.  There's sex toys for the twins and a rubber ball gag too!  Oh! [The Rabbit resumes prancing.] Boys: [singing] Here comes Peter Cottontail.  Hoppin' down the bunny trail.  Hippity hoppity, Easter's on its way! [Kribensis and Ikkairius clap politely as the song wraps up.  The Rabbit leaves the baskets on the floor and exits, grumbling under her breath.  Aki and Sashi head for the hallway, too.] Sashi: You’re one hot chick, Aki.  [Grins mischievously] Makes me want to ruffle your feathers. Aki: [winks] I’m hungry for a taste of lamb, myself.  Wanna come to the hen house? [Sashi swats Aki’s feather-clad rear as they disappear from sight.] Ikkairius: I’m not sure if those two turn me on scare the hell out of me… Stoer:  [faces Kribensis] Did that help? Kribensis: [nods] So when do we hunt for candy and eggs? Lochs: We do an Easter hunt every year, but it’s not quite what you think.  There’s no real candy or eggs involved. Kribensis: Huh? Stoer: [gives Ikkairius a steamy look.]  We hunt Ikkairius and once we find him, we turn him into a dirty, dirty Bright Selestarri. Lochs: [smiles] Filthy. Kribensis: [jumps to his feet] I’ve always wanted to do that!  Lets start right now! Ikkairius: [shakes his head, an amused look on his face] Sorry to disappoint, but they’re talking about our annual Easter volleyball mud tournament.  Bright vs. Dark—lots of diving in puddles, flinging goo, and so forth.  Kribensis: [looks heartbroken] But…but… Ikkairius: [pops a marshmallow bunny in Kribensis’ open mouth.]  Run along and find your gym shorts.  We’ll be starting in fifteen minutes. [Crestfallen, Kribensis leaves, chewing on the sugary Peep.] Stoer: [snickers] I almost feel bad, but it’ll make the after party so much better. Ikkairius: [nods and takes a handful of jellybeans from the baskets.] He probably doesn’t remember the Selestarri tradition of Springsrite. Lochs: I love any tradition that calls for fucking like animals in heat. Stoer: [looks to the heavens and folds his hands reverently] Bless the Selestarri. [The three turn for the door.] Lochs: Think this year we’ll convince the girls to do shirts vs. skins?  Calexi is so hot. Stoer: Dude, that’s Aki’s mom! Lochs: [shrugs] Still… Ikkairius: Shut up, both of you.   [The cast of Streifen stands in a row, facing the camera.  They are wet and muddy, hair plastered to their bodies and some have nasty scrapes, but all are smiling.] Aki: From all of us in Streifen, to all of you out there… Everyone: Happy Easter!   Kribensis: And remember, Jesus is the reason for the season. Kallixstus: [smacks his brother upside the head] That’s Christmas, moron. Kribensis: [rubs at the rising bump] Oh…   ~ BACK~ All content contained on this site is (C) 2001-2008 by Bounce and Angsty-os (all rights reserved) Please do not take, steal, link or borrow anything on this site without written permission from Bounce (Bunny Writer - Resin Fox)